Friday, July 28, 2006

Happy Sys Admin Day

Yesterday (or today some in other time zones) was the 7th annual System Administrator Day. As you may or may not know I am a System Admin. My little name signature even says so in my emails. So today is about me.

Thanks to all who wrote me kind letters (no one) and those who gave me things (the galley crew can print because they made me a cake). In honor of this wildly popular holiday here is a list of how to make use of your Sys Admin's time. Enjoy:

Advice to employees on the proper use of the System Administrator's valuable time

  • Make sure to save all your MP3 files on your network drive. No sense in wasting valuable space on your local drive! Plus, Patrick loves browsing through 100+ GB of music files while he backs up the servers.
  • Play with all the wires you can find. If you can't find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Patrick. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Patrick just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for.
  • Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Patrick likes to guess what the error message was.
  • When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy" and "Big Connector."
  • If you get an EXE file in an email attachment, open it immediately. Patrick likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly.
  • When Patrick says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for him to remember your password.
  • When you call Patrick to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Patrick doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours.
  • When Patrick sends you an email marked as "Highly Important" or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably just testing some new-fangled email software.
  • When Patrick's eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right in, grab a few of his fries, then spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Patrick lives to serve, and he's always ready to think about fixing computers, especially yours.
  • When Patrick's at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't have email or a telephone.
  • Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.
  • When the photocopier doesn't work, call Patrick. There's electronics in it, so it should be right up his alley.
  • When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer, call Patrick. He enjoys fixing telephone problems from remote locations. Especially on weekends.
  • When something goes wrong with your home PC, dump it on Patrick's chair the next morning with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. Patrick just loves a good mystery.
  • When you have Patrick on the phone walking you through changing a setting on your PC, read the newspaper. Patrick doesn't actually mean for you to DO anything. He just loves to hear himself talk.
  • When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother to sign up. Patrick will be there to hold your hand when the time comes.
  • When the printer won't print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick.
  • When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.
  • Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
  • Don't read the operator's manual. Manuals are for wussies.
  • If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Patrick will be grateful for the overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them.
  • When Patrick's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's slightly dizzy from hunger.
  • When Patrick asks you whether you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's no one else's business what you've got on your computer.
  • If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the monitor and stuff the cable under it. Those skinny Mouse cables were designed to have 55 lbs. of computer monitor crushing them.
  • If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame Patrick for not upgrading it sooner. Hell, it's not your fault there's a half pound of pizza crust crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Mountain Dew under the keys.
  • When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click the "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?
  • Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that boneheaded computer crap." It never bothers Patrick to hear his area of professional expertise referred to as boneheaded crap.
  • Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else should sneak a one-page job in between your 500-page Word document.
  • When you send that 500-page document to the printer, don't bother to check if the printer has enough paper. That's Patrick's job.
  • When Patrick calls you 30 minutes later and tells you that the printer printed 24 pages of your 500-page document before it ran out of paper, and there are now nine other jobs in the queue behind yours, ask him why he didn't bother to add more paper.
  • When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. Patrick's provided plenty of disk space and processor capacity on the new mail server for just those kinds of important things.
  • When you bump into Patrick in the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon, ask him computer questions. He works 24/7, and is always thinking about computers, even when he's at super-market buying toilet paper and doggie treats.
  • If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. Patrick will be there for you when your son's illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes the Access database keel over and die.
  • When you bring Patrick your own "no-name" brand PC to repair for free at the office, tell him how urgently he needs to fix it so you can get back to playing EverQuest. He'll get on it right away, because everyone knows he doesn't do anything all day except surf the Internet.
  • Don't ever thank Patrick. He loves fixing everything AND getting paid for it!
Shamelessly stolen from

Make your callous snub to me up by voting for me to be System Administrator of the Year - 2006!

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Eating Right is Hard to Do

Filmed entirely at Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, Antarctica for the Winterover Halfway International Film Festival (WHIFF).

Fat Bob's slightly more serious "be nice to everyone" film.

Friday, July 21, 2006

What Internet Celebrity are You?

Thursday, July 20, 2006

P-Pod Cutting Edge Music Player

Filmed entirely at Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, Antarctica for the Winterover Halfway International Film Festival (WHIFF).

A second commercial featuring Honest Bob. Made possible by Neturino research!!!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

300 Club Cream

Filmed entirely at Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, Antarctica for the Winterover Halfway International Film Festival (WHIFF).

A commercial featuring Honest Bob.

A few people on station should have invested in this before the 300 Club started.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Polar Puppy - Gaurd Dog of the South Pole

Filmed entirely at Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station in Antarctica for the Winterover Halfway International Film Festival (WHIFF).

A stop action film about the dog who guards the Cermonial South Pole.

Super Hyberbolic Instestinal Torpedo indeed!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

How-To Use the Urinal

Filmed entirely at Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station in Antarctica for teh Winterover Halfway Film Festival (WHIFF).

This is an instructional video on how to properly use the urinal.

I don't know what else to say about this...

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Two Minute Shower

How To take a two minute shower at the South Pole.

Not for the weak of heart. Very graphic, lots of man nudity...

Monday, July 10, 2006

Saving Energy at the South Pole

Filmed entirely at Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station, Antarctica for the Winterover Halfway International Film Festival 2006.

This is a classic UT (Utility Technician) creation. How-To use the a light switch at the South Pole. Bob Campbell, part timer movie producer full time UT Supervisor has made a number of these. Be on the look out for the urinal How-To.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

-100F Pool Winner is....

No other than Head Meteorolgist Don Jeter. What a let down, of course a Met guy was going to win. And no I did not do the 300 Club this morning. It was only -100F for a short time. A couple of people made before the winds kicked up and it now sits at -99.2F.

I also was contacted by the New Zealand travel agency today to handle my recreational travel when I get off the ice. I have crossed the 10 million seconds left mark. Even the Penguin Timer seems to be winding down...

Party at the Bottom of the World - South Pole

South Pole tour for Jimmy Buffet's Party at the Bottom of the World Tour

This is not part of the WHIFF but it was a video made for Jimmy Buffett that was made by two parrot heads down here. Shows you around the station and the Dodgy Bastard Bar.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

8 O'Clock News

Film entirely at the Amundsen-Scott Station at the South Pole in Antarctica for the Winterover Halfway Internation Film Festival (WHIFF). Full Hi-Res version.

This is probably one of the funniest (if not longest) films we have for a film festival. More to come...


Fire on Ice: Tales of the Southernmost Fire team

Filmed partially at the South Pole station, this is a documentary describing the training and every day life of the fire brigade at the South Pole station. Complete with interviews of team members, and live fire drills.